Entrant in the 2020 ANA Avatars XPRIZE Missing Story Contest

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I stood – floated, rather – at the edge of the abyss. Particles of dust and gas tickled my feet as they drifted ever closer to the accretion disk. They swirled and danced until they reached the maw of darkness, so black that it swallowed all of existence. No light has ever penetrated that darkness, no one has observed the inside of a singularity.

Engaging boost thrusters. Redshift propulsion initialized. Audio/visual interface nominal.

I found myself dancing with the particulates, an energetic waltz amidst time and space, dancing as I drifted further and further to the void.

#

“Are we certain this is actually going to work?” Sebastián asked, tearing his eyes away from the screen for the first time.

Krystyna brought her hand to her face, rubbing her temples and attempting to hide her annoyance. “This isn’t a question you ask when we’re moments away from stepping into the unknown.”

A technician in the background began to speak. “Well, we’re not so much stepping as–“

“If I hear that joke one more time, I’m barring engineering from taking part in this team,” Krystyna growled to the crowd behind her. Silence fell over the group, who now fixed their gaze back to the main monitor. She had heard some form of “there’s no walking in space” at least once a day since she first drafted the proposal for the expedition, and she would’ve gladly substituted herself for the avatar if she had to hear it once more. She was determined to see the inside of a gravitational anomaly.

The team looked up at the monitor taking up half the wall space. They were crowded in a control room, the bulk of people gathering in a large mass behind the team lead’s desk. They all looked at the wall of monitors in front of them, a blinding, variegating surface. Around the main screen were dozens of other, smaller screens, each displaying calculations, vector patterns, astrometric coordinates, each observed by an assigned specialist.

Krystyna, anticipation catching in her throat, turned to the microphone and spoke to the operator. This was her project, she believed. She had come up with the conceptual documents, worked countless sleepless nights helping design and coordinate the expedition, working well until after the sun rose the following mornings. She was disappointed she would not be directly piloting the avatar, but as team lead, she had to remain stalwart for the men and women who spent months of overtime preparing for this moment. The team would get to experience this undertaking together. At least that thought was comforting.

Finally, she spoke. “Alright, Roald, make the dive.”

#

“Affirmative, K,” I replied.

Increasing propulsion velocity. Warning: Now approaching event horizon. Escape velocity no longer possible.

With a little kick, I plunged beyond the precipice and leaped into the singularity.

Everything around me became pitch. As I attempted to turn back, I could no longer see the way from which I began. Even the flashlight mounted inside the frame of the avatar could not penetrate the infinite blackness. To call it the annihilation of the senses would fail to capture it. It was a sudden deadening, as if I had been cut off from all my perceptions at once. I drifted throughout the nothingness, a sailor overboard in a sea of infinity, consumed by immeasurable nothingness.

#

“So…what happens now?”

Although no louder than a whisper, the utterance broke the silence of the room like a pencil snapping in half. The gathering of engineers, roboticists, researchers, and technologists turned among one another, muttering and trying to discover who had spoken such heresy.

“What can we really do?” Sebastián replied, taking a long sip from his coffee. “QEC connection is stable, feedback experiencing extremely little lag. We’re to document and decipher anything Roald observes in there. But now, all we can do is wait and see.”

It seemed a simple answer to him. They knew nothing about what would happen once they passed beyond the boundary of the anomaly. That’s why they gathered in the observation lab at such an early hour: to discover. He recalled back to his childhood, poking an automated telescope through his family’s apartment window, finding the planets and constellations. Now, he was still just observing through a lens, but he still held that sense of wonder as he watched the monitor, waiting for something, anything, to happen.

He looked over to Krystyna. Sebastián was always awestruck by her, her tenacity and drive, her desire to catalog the unknown and make it known for future generations. He was very influenced by her, reading her publications and research findings as a youth, before he was ever part of the team. It was a dream come true for him to be here. Krystyna had specially picked him for the team after his dissertation on the warping of space-time to compensate for relativistic time dilation. And now, he found himself among the greatest minds of his generation, embarking on a critical scientific pilgrimage.

“Can you give us a status update, Roald?” Sebastián asked into the microphone. “We’re obviously not getting a lot from our readings.”

#

“Don’t know what to tell you.” I laughed at the simplicity of the question and the complexities of my possible answers. How was I to be sure of anything that was happening around me? I’m the one floating about inside an endless stretch of darkness. I have no access to the data being scanned and transmitted back to base, entangled, quantumly, and relaying it beyond the edge of our known universe. All I could be sure of was what I could see and feel in front of me. All I could see and feel were absence.

A wave passed through me, the jolt reawakening my ebon-coated senses. I suddenly felt a flow of enigmatic energy coursing around my body and before my eyes, I saw trails of plasma, fingers of crimson and azure gesturing for me to follow. Reaching out my hand, they swam through my own fingers, vibrant fish gliding through pillars of bleached coral, flowing through an abyssal ocean. Flurries of chromatic wind wafted around me.

“Are you seeing this, K?”

#

The control room was drowned in silence. The occasional mutterings had made way for complete stillness. Krystyna’s irked expression transitioned to one of wonderment as she saw the streams of color appear on-screen. She tried to respond, sheer excitement stifling her already-quavering voice.

“Yeah,” she finally managed to exhale, shattering the glacial stillness of the room. “We’re seeing it.”

The team broke out into frenzied whispers once more. “What is that?” “Are the sensors calibrated properly?” Others could only make small vocalizations, gasps of bewilderment and sighs of fascination.

“Could be traces of matter noodled by the singularity,” Sebastián mused, scrolling through various windows on his computer, “Or else semi-absorbed plasma trails? What’s keeping the avatar from being spaghettified, though?

Without missing a beat, Krystyna replied, “Who’s to say it hasn’t, Bas?” Her tone was resolute but not aggressive, a change from her normal inflection. “From our perspective, would we be able to tell if there were some form of material compression? Especially when observed through a digital translation, our perception can only tell us so much.” The opportunity to discover something never-before witnessed, to share with others the marvels and perplexities of the universe, whether a veteran engineer or the general public, thrilled her. The normally-fearful silence that usually followed her words was instead awe-inspired. She smirked, her words having their unintended effect. “Imagine the petabytes of data that we’re getting right now. It’s only a fraction of the raw energy flowing through that singularity, and we’re seeing a distilled version of even that.”

Sebastián’s computer emitted an intrusive chime. “I’m getting a massive spike in gamma brainwaves,” he said. “Roald, how are you feeling? Are you experiencing any changes to your perception or cognition?”

#

The bell-toll of words rang in my head, echoing off canyons of sulci. I was, instead, entranced by the radiant streams now streaking across the black monotony, streams of scintilla striking my sight.

In a moment, I was enveloped by light and color. Shrouded in a dawning of epiphany, kaleidoscopic complexions stained my surroundings. Nebulae, whirlpools in the ocean of creation, churned around me, spiraling into helical tendrils. I was amidst the threads of genesis, weaving cords of matter and life throughout the gossamer veil of stars.

A sapphire wind blew through me, suffocating me. I found myself smothered in silence, a silence that exploded into a cacophony of entropy. It flooded my senses, pulsars hemorrhaging in my mind, overwhelming consciousness.

Warning: critical sensor overload. Activating automatic bypass. Re-establishing connection.

Splinters of vision returned to me, and my sight dripped back into view. I awoke to myself among the celestial engine.

#

“Do NOT touch him!” Krystyna had shot out of her seat, jabbing a finger down at the crewmember who approached Roald.

“Ma’am, either he can’t hear us or is ignoring us, either of which is bad.”

“If you take one step closer, I’ll have your clearance revoked.” The astonishment in her voice had given back to infuriation.

“Ma’am–”

“His vital signs are solid and his EEG demonstrates consciousness. As long as QEC remains stable, he remains undisturbed.” There was no room for negotiation in her words. The crewmember, shaking in the face of the team lead, shrank back into the crowd as Krystyna perched back on her leather throne.

Sebastián leaned over to Krystyna, keeping his voice low but unable to hide his concern. “K, maybe they’re right. Roald’s been unresponsive for too long.”

“I am not compromising the QEC connection,” she hissed back. “The interface is already unstable as-is because of the distance we’re relaying over. Who knows how long the link will remain transmittable?”

“Once Roald’s in any danger, we’ll initiate disconnect protocols,” she said.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Are you questioning your superior again, Sebastián?”

The rest of the team watched in stifled, uncomfortable silence, too frightened to provoke the team lead or the chief engineer. After a minute, Sebastián finally responded, “No, ma’am.”

Krystyna turned back to the monitors, determination set in her glare. Nothing would get in the way of her crusade.

#

Gears of stars pivoted around belts of planets, circumvolving cauldrons of carbon and cisterns of hydrogen. Phantom pistons drove the fuel of life through cosmic cylinders, combusting into blue giants and red dwarfs. Before long, I found myself injected into antemundane motor, surging through valves and veins. I was the lifeblood of existence, providing oxygen to galactic organs. I breathed deep, an alveolus of the cosmos, inhaling plasma and dust and infinitesimal matter. These are the true treasures of the gods, iridescent gemstones of gas and molten orbs of gold, crafted in a forge that would put great Hephaestus to shame.

Realization resonated through my mind, vibrating across my bones and the cords of my existence. I was not part of the celestial engine. I was the celestial engine. I was the will of the universe manifest.

This is what I was meant to find. Long had we theorized what lay at the other side of a tear in the walls of space-time. Were singularities gateways to an alternate reality? Were they the maw of all existence, devouring all light and matter to satiate an endless hunger? No, it was here, in this nexus of creation, where philosophies pirouetted like pinions through my consciousness, snapping the hinges of my mind. This is what I was destined to discover: truth.

But what is truth? It is not some objective, definitive thing, something which you can grasp, physically or mentally. Nor is it a concept or fact, as if to answer the question of the role of life in the grand universal play. Truth simply was. It existed before and will persist long beyond the fickle lifespans of even the stars. And as incorporeal as truth is, it now weighed heavily on me, filling my body with inescapable fidelity.

A flash of light burst before my eyes, a pinhole at the end of the prismatic tunnel. Was I not at its end yet? Was there yet more to unveil? Curiosity crept down my spine like syringe tiptoes, and as if magnetized, I drew closer to the radiance. Its sheen was brighter than any quasar, a splendor of magnificence beyond processing. I reached out my hand to take hold of it, silicon blisters emerging on my palm. I could nearly touch it, my fingers about to break the luminescent surface.

Warning. Interface connection interrupted. Please re-establish. Warning. Interface connection interrupted. Please re-establish.

#

“Someone lie him down, keep his limbs from spasming! Hold his head! Damnit, where are those medics?”

Krystyna shoved aside the crewmember next to Roald and knelt down next to him, cradling his convulsing head like a child. Others held on to his arms and legs as they violently seized, tremors erupting across his entire body. The others could merely watch, some with hands up to their faces, some with tears rolling down their cheeks. Sebastián stood there, still in shock.

“What did you do?!” Krystyna shouted, directing her rage at Sebastián. “I told you not to touch him!”

“What did you expect me to do?” Sebastián roared back. “His EKG was spiking, his EEG was beginning to show signs of massive trauma, he wasn’t responding! I was trying to help him!”

“Yeah, and a great help you’ve been!” Krystyna turned her face away, looking down at Roald, who was now spitting up foam. “Where are those EMTs?!”

The double doors at the end of the room burst open, and blue-jumpsuited paramedics sprinted into the room, a cerulean blur. In a haze, they lifted Roald onto a stretcher, one technician performing an eye exam.

Krystyna paced back and forth, her head buried in her hand once more. “Years of planning, gone. Who knows how much data our systems actually managed to process? And now, Roald…”

“I was just trying to help him,” Sebastián chanted to himself as the medical team dragged Roald out of the control room.

“Help him?” Krystyna snapped. “You may have fried all his synapses by interrupting the connection like that! This is your fault.”

“My fault? At least I was concerned about his health and safety. At least I was looking out for him.”

Her face contorted in rage, Krystyna spat, “Badge, now.”

Sebastián clawed at the identification card on his chest, tearing it from his shirt and throwing it in the direction of his former team lead before storming out of the control room. Krystyna slumped to the floor, sobs finally overcoming her. In the background, the same warning blared across the speakers and flashed on the monitors.

Warning. Interface connection interrupted. Please re-establish. Warning. Interface connection interrupted. Please re-establish.

#

I floated there amidst the luminosity, a shell caught in the cosmic tide. Their voices no longer filled my head, the comfort and company of those who underwent this expedition alongside me. I am utterly alone, here in this alabaster oblivion, this white void, this singular, fragile mind.